BOWS ARROWS DARTS
Online Dating Profile
#WieldingWORD #TrendingBIGtime #WritingSample #SASSYpants #CopyWRITEwiz #ComedicROOTS #DRAMA-tiste #BESTblogEverAWARD
#WieldingWORD #TrendingBIGtime #WritingSample #SASSYpants #CopyWRITEwiz #ComedicROOTS #DRAMA-tiste #BESTblogEverAWARD
SHARE THE VIRAL SATIRE:
Orientation: Gender Neutral Bird
Looking for: Gender Neutral Bee
Religion: Creating a new one. Will let you know where to send your salvation checks. (Lighten up people, you've a long way to go.)
Job: Hugh?
Speaks: English.. And others yet to be coined, occasionally.
Self-Summary: I have noticed, rather recently: I do not hesitate to emancipate an unyielding flair for flamboyancy, heavily contracted while socializing from behind a keyboard and screen. Not so-so much in person, though closer peeps might beg to differ. Demure, a tad shy, til you know me (or Malbec intervenes). Lest our Clyde loved Bonnie bio-spark set the chemical world a'fire... Wink-wink. (Third time is a charm, Cupid!)
I am probably smarter than you. Rephrase: I am smarter than you. Worry not... I behind the back pinky-promise to never hold this fact against you. Without density in the world, my incomparable brilliance would dominate less conspicuous species. If even a slightly vexing stench of smart-assedness is filling your hungry bones right now., good-God I urge you, sniff it in! Unfetter, marinate... Feel good about your spot-on intuition and proudly pat your observant self on the back. Points... Major! That said, don't ever edit my gramear, correct my spilling or solicit a rewrote. I darn well intended to ink it that way. Nuf said.
"We" begin... I am a "Jeckle" Libra born on the cusp of a helter skelter "Hyde... ... ... ...?" Bingo Einstein! Blame Sir "Hyde" Scorpio for my pestiferous traits, however few, you might notice.. I dig madly passionate people. and laughter that litters the soul with sugar tears. I ignite a fierce fever for all things art; acting, writing, painting, dance and music melt and mold me..
I acquired two brothers, two sisters, a mom and a dad. They are the reason I am alive. Hence, you should surmise that my family means more to me, which grew nine nieces/one nephew strong this past decade. (Brief Interlude: Child abuse offenders make your exit NOW.) Each twerp is uniquely amazing! Especially because they think I am their teenager Aunt "Awesome."
Brief Plug: My parents awe me daily. I am thankful I received them along this rip-roaring journey of existential happenstance. Fingers crossed, if I (I mean 'we') ever glance a family of my (I mean 'our') own, I can only hope to be half the mother and father they have been to me. End plug.
Moving on... Duh-YASSSS, of course I choose "dare." Right then, so.: I'm not really into pretending to actually watch "the sports." Thou I do enjoy a good scare now and again, bug eyes bulging, totes transfixed on the frighteningly spirited fanatical types whom proudly do watch "the sports." A'la cussing, screaming, slapping, spilling, stomping, pee-you smelling, major beer-bully, belly swelling... Far-far, even farther, from any recognizable semblance of a rhythmic hearted human. And, since I openly fancy a light and frilly game of free willy dress-up, aside a good'ole rebel-romp down ass scratching sketch comedy impersonation lane--Why most certainly, daringly thrilled you asked-I would be ecstatic to accompany you into that sporting venue's bawdiest cheering section in solid support of your favorite team. Color coordinated face paint, in giddy-up team matching stick-on "apparel," with our homemade rival bashing banners et al. We are getting on that goob-a-tron. You will moon the stadium! Fear not, what you already know can't hurt you. And lets not forget, T-R-U-S-T is the key to a long lasting relationship!
I shan't lie (here forward), I'm in a very different place in my life now than I ever expected to be. Don't quite know where I am going or what I will do next. But I am open to everyTHANG and can't wait to see what the next chapter unveils. You could not possibly find another "arrow" more amenable than me. Cheers to good aim Cupid!.
xb
PS: I cannot believe we get no emoji's with this free online dating account?!
PSS: A REAL pix nets my REAL (first & last) name!
PSSS: #NOFILTERS
Looking for: Gender Neutral Bee
Religion: Creating a new one. Will let you know where to send your salvation checks. (Lighten up people, you've a long way to go.)
Job: Hugh?
Speaks: English.. And others yet to be coined, occasionally.
Self-Summary: I have noticed, rather recently: I do not hesitate to emancipate an unyielding flair for flamboyancy, heavily contracted while socializing from behind a keyboard and screen. Not so-so much in person, though closer peeps might beg to differ. Demure, a tad shy, til you know me (or Malbec intervenes). Lest our Clyde loved Bonnie bio-spark set the chemical world a'fire... Wink-wink. (Third time is a charm, Cupid!)
I am probably smarter than you. Rephrase: I am smarter than you. Worry not... I behind the back pinky-promise to never hold this fact against you. Without density in the world, my incomparable brilliance would dominate less conspicuous species. If even a slightly vexing stench of smart-assedness is filling your hungry bones right now., good-God I urge you, sniff it in! Unfetter, marinate... Feel good about your spot-on intuition and proudly pat your observant self on the back. Points... Major! That said, don't ever edit my gramear, correct my spilling or solicit a rewrote. I darn well intended to ink it that way. Nuf said.
"We" begin... I am a "Jeckle" Libra born on the cusp of a helter skelter "Hyde... ... ... ...?" Bingo Einstein! Blame Sir "Hyde" Scorpio for my pestiferous traits, however few, you might notice.. I dig madly passionate people. and laughter that litters the soul with sugar tears. I ignite a fierce fever for all things art; acting, writing, painting, dance and music melt and mold me..
I acquired two brothers, two sisters, a mom and a dad. They are the reason I am alive. Hence, you should surmise that my family means more to me, which grew nine nieces/one nephew strong this past decade. (Brief Interlude: Child abuse offenders make your exit NOW.) Each twerp is uniquely amazing! Especially because they think I am their teenager Aunt "Awesome."
Brief Plug: My parents awe me daily. I am thankful I received them along this rip-roaring journey of existential happenstance. Fingers crossed, if I (I mean 'we') ever glance a family of my (I mean 'our') own, I can only hope to be half the mother and father they have been to me. End plug.
Moving on... Duh-YASSSS, of course I choose "dare." Right then, so.: I'm not really into pretending to actually watch "the sports." Thou I do enjoy a good scare now and again, bug eyes bulging, totes transfixed on the frighteningly spirited fanatical types whom proudly do watch "the sports." A'la cussing, screaming, slapping, spilling, stomping, pee-you smelling, major beer-bully, belly swelling... Far-far, even farther, from any recognizable semblance of a rhythmic hearted human. And, since I openly fancy a light and frilly game of free willy dress-up, aside a good'ole rebel-romp down ass scratching sketch comedy impersonation lane--Why most certainly, daringly thrilled you asked-I would be ecstatic to accompany you into that sporting venue's bawdiest cheering section in solid support of your favorite team. Color coordinated face paint, in giddy-up team matching stick-on "apparel," with our homemade rival bashing banners et al. We are getting on that goob-a-tron. You will moon the stadium! Fear not, what you already know can't hurt you. And lets not forget, T-R-U-S-T is the key to a long lasting relationship!
I shan't lie (here forward), I'm in a very different place in my life now than I ever expected to be. Don't quite know where I am going or what I will do next. But I am open to everyTHANG and can't wait to see what the next chapter unveils. You could not possibly find another "arrow" more amenable than me. Cheers to good aim Cupid!.
xb
PS: I cannot believe we get no emoji's with this free online dating account?!
PSS: A REAL pix nets my REAL (first & last) name!
PSSS: #NOFILTERS
Q and A |
What I’m doing with my life
Drinking the wild air toward a purpose driven life. Note to self: Hello? Points off already to the interviewee for not recognizing the obvy! What I’m really good at Avoiding the answer to a question, skeeball and staring contests (world record bound). Big-time. The first things people usually notice about me Duh. Jus saying... (Told you I was smarter than you.) What I spend a lot of time thinking about How to turn an overflowing faucet of world wearying thoughts off. Or, at best, into a light whisper of poetic sarcasm. On a typical Friday night I am How nosey?! N.E.X.T. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Hey Einstein(s), uncomfortable silence sucks! Lets salvage some potentially high prized talking points for live banter. The six things I could never do without Disfunctional family. Crazy, lactose intollerant (extra gassy) sisters. Felt pens. Wet paint. Wheatgrass.. Canvas seduction. Animalism. I mean minimalism. Freudian slips. Multi-hyphenates The dog I've yet to solely own. The solid whiff of nostalgia whimpering. Empty howling theatre.s. Center stage silence. City street vapor. Cracked pavements. (Klutz advice: never-ever underestimate a cracked pavement...) Swan songs. Detritus parades. Lippy shadows... On popcorn ceilings. Back-beat hideaways... Night-cackling alleyways... Mustache greeting officer raids. High-tailing railways... Imaginary friends, at high noon. Or high at noon... The "Wild-lings." (All you need know.) The perfection reflection, my mirror daily projects. The deceptive phenomena, thy morning mirror reflects. Identity crises'. Whispering symphonies of cacophonous laughter. Scandelous comedies of horrific errors. Journal ashings. Life lashings... Whiskey moon hashings... My private dancers, the dot dot dots: "..." (Yup, ellipsis rank up there real high.) 'Remember you' sweats.. Fading snow angel bets.. 1 Beat. 2 Breaths. 3 Buddha Exhalations. Clearly, anxiety... False hope, to keep hope alive. The wife and kids, locked in the trunk, out back in the car. (Wait, was that loud?) Woh-time.. The most private thing I’m willing to admit Bueller? Buueeller?? Care for a cricket, paleo dieter? You should message me if You feel like the luckiest man in the world to have found my profile.. Yes, I really just said that, with extra sass and a side of pickle juice. One more time, with feeling, EVERYBODY NOW! |
the GIRLS AND boys
|
Would you consider dating someone who has chosen to completely abstain from drinking alcohol?
Yes. No. Your explanation: Let's toast to that. Could you date someone who was really quiet? Yes No Your explanation: Voices oft irritate the middle ear drum. Could be a mutually beneficial scenario for the both. Which would you rather be? Normal Weird Your explanation: Did I miss an options box at creation? Do you often make jokes that offend more uptight people? Yes No Your explanation: Hmmm? (Beat, pause-pause, fixes hair, pause-pasue, beat). Who me? (Cough-cough). You talking to me?? (Cough cough sniff sneeze)... Do spelling mistakes annoy you? Yes No Your explanation: I only slip manic on myself over spelling mistakes. Yours make me chuckle. Besides, I'd hate to deny anyone the pleasure of having me point them out to them... How frequently do you bathe or shower? At least once a day. Usually daily. I skip some. A couple times a week. Once a week or less. Your explanation: I like to catch a whiff of my natural fleshy stink, especially mixed with the day's most unexpected entanglements. It's a liberating form of daily journaling I've invented. FYI: Currently in talks to bottle it. Er, TMI? MAJOR PLUG: Need more quality dates? YOU JUST STRUCK GOLD! Dating profile ghost writer available here.! Free to discuss. Costly date. Money well spent. Inquire within... |
THE GIRLS and BOYS ARE SAYING
"I find your writing technique refreshing, clever and slightly obtuse. (in a good way) It's totally smart and attractive.. You seem to have it all under control but are on the verge of letting it all go, just to see what happens." Wesley
Bluv believes: Wes should at minimal receive a reply for proving highly adept in perceptability skills, and for not being afraid to share truth.
"I'm feeling the luck regarding my having the pleasure of reading that profile... You're very funny, and obviously miles above my grounded intellect. Yet, you've some piercing blue eyes, and are a fellow libra... So I thought I'd take a chance. And thank you for making me laugh." William
Bluv believes: Upon first introductions, Willy not lying about his 'grounded intellect' is serious grounds (pun intended) for deflection. BORING!
"Damn I feel crazy lucky to have stumbled on your page. ;-) I am sure your IQ,, your well-readness & cunning lingual skills will be intimidating, I would certainly risk a conversation, perhaps over a glass of wine even. Drop a note if you're not put off..." JT
Bluv believes: Ashes strewn, chivalry is dead! Self-sabotage committed the heinous crime.
"Loved the profile. So, what's a 'lippy shadow' and is there a vaccine?" Joey
Bluv believes: Too many questions have consequences. NEXT!
"I may not be your perfect Prince Charming, but I mean seriously, who really likes tall dark and handsome anyway? What can I say? Ok so I'm no rocket scientist but I am very good at math (heck I'm Asian). I’m not exactly Superman... Well then again... Well I'm not saying I am Superman or anything, I'm just saying that no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room together is all **grin**. Did I mention I have a sense of humor only I find funny? Moral of this story… I’m definitely not as funny as I think I am, but I sure am long winded. In the end I'm just a boy looking for a girl. You never know, anything could happen..." Christopher
Bluv believes: W-O-H. Dude is a fellow ellipses lover! An arrow is launching!!
Bluv believes: Wes should at minimal receive a reply for proving highly adept in perceptability skills, and for not being afraid to share truth.
"I'm feeling the luck regarding my having the pleasure of reading that profile... You're very funny, and obviously miles above my grounded intellect. Yet, you've some piercing blue eyes, and are a fellow libra... So I thought I'd take a chance. And thank you for making me laugh." William
Bluv believes: Upon first introductions, Willy not lying about his 'grounded intellect' is serious grounds (pun intended) for deflection. BORING!
"Damn I feel crazy lucky to have stumbled on your page. ;-) I am sure your IQ,, your well-readness & cunning lingual skills will be intimidating, I would certainly risk a conversation, perhaps over a glass of wine even. Drop a note if you're not put off..." JT
Bluv believes: Ashes strewn, chivalry is dead! Self-sabotage committed the heinous crime.
"Loved the profile. So, what's a 'lippy shadow' and is there a vaccine?" Joey
Bluv believes: Too many questions have consequences. NEXT!
"I may not be your perfect Prince Charming, but I mean seriously, who really likes tall dark and handsome anyway? What can I say? Ok so I'm no rocket scientist but I am very good at math (heck I'm Asian). I’m not exactly Superman... Well then again... Well I'm not saying I am Superman or anything, I'm just saying that no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room together is all **grin**. Did I mention I have a sense of humor only I find funny? Moral of this story… I’m definitely not as funny as I think I am, but I sure am long winded. In the end I'm just a boy looking for a girl. You never know, anything could happen..." Christopher
Bluv believes: W-O-H. Dude is a fellow ellipses lover! An arrow is launching!!
SHARE THE SEXY SATIRE:
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